I WRITE in response to Miss Veronica Ong's letter on Monday, 'Drivers refuse to give way'.

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Accepting Others' Weaknesses is The Key to a Gracious Society


If able-bodied people could better realize and openly accept others in their true states of 'weakness', they would be more inclined to give way to them.

This is the same idea as the Able giving way to the Disabled.

People who are ungracious by deliberately getting in our way are in fact 'weak' and 'disabled' in their inadequacy, and we as the adequate ones should have no reason feeling frustrated in giving way to such 'weaker ones'.

This is the same idea as the stronger adult giving way to the weaker child.

We as the stronger, more adequate and gracious adults should give way to both the Disabled as well as the inadequate people who might seem ungracious.

The desire to feel frustrated and fight with the 'weaker ones' only reveals personal weakness in inadequacy and close-mindedness.

Such open-hearted acceptance of others' true weaknesses is the key to creating a gracious, understanding and loving society.

Join my Facebook group "Love is Acceptance"

As I have mentioned before, the root cause is a faulty system put in place by ICA.

How can our safety being their concern - when you have a few hundred cars queuing for half a mile? If there is a bomb, a hundred cars and as many people will perish when detonated.

Would it not be safer to clear quickly with lesser cars?

How many terrorists or bombs has ICA stopped? Have they found Mas Selamat in a lorry?

mraverage - "How many terrorists or bombs has ICA stopped? Have they found Mas Selamat in a lorry?"

I think this is a reasonable voice. But ICA needs to train their people in the art and techniques of profiling.

Not by profiling everyone as suspects of being a MSK sympathizer or a suspected car/suicide bomber by race, religion or they vehicle being driven.

But equip ICA/Check point security officers with skill sets to read ground conditions, environmental situation and behavioral patterns under the broad headings such as Times, Distance and Space.

Just check with the ICA at Changi Airport the number of liquid containers/small sharp objects they confiscated daily without apprehending one single terrorist suspect and you will realise the flawed objective of existing security operations at these ports of entry/exit.

ICA should have a U-turn at the end of the road to direct errant drivers back and start at the queue again. These drivers need to be taught how to be more observant. Once they are taught even one time, they will nor repeat the same mistake again.

Timothy_Tang - "The desire to feel frustrated and fight with the 'weaker ones' only reveals personal weakness in inadequacy and close-mindedness."

What do you think I should do, under the circumstance, to remain gracious?

My neighbour enters the lift and immediately presses the close door button even though it was obvious I was walking in right after her.

But when she enters the lift behind me, I would hold the hold for her. No only without a TQ but she also turned her back towards you.

Then one day when she was strolling causally towers the lift without indicating if her intention and the door closed while she was still out of reach, she glared at me through the glass panel like a tigress.

Is graciousness in this context means to serve people the likes of this bossy lady? She is obviously not weak and most of all definitely baled.

Unfortunately, the mentality of most people - not just S'poreans - is against giving way to others. The fear of losing out makes the majority of us reluctant/refuse to give way, lest we be taken for fools/taken advantage of.

We also fear being ridiculed/honked at by others behind us for being gracious. Being reticent S'poreans, many of us also do not like to draw attention to ourselves. By giving way, we are doing something out of the ordinary, & thereby, drawing attention to ourselves. That's why we stick our necks out each time we practise kindness, & that is why many of us do not give up our seats on buses or trains to those who need them more. Unless you change your mindset, instead of following the crowd, our society will become even more uncaring as the years go by.

Eagle2004,
What you say is true, and it is mainly because I think there exists a significant number of people who are just waiting to pounce on this 'weakness'; to make others to be fools when they give way, to take advantage of others.

This took a turn for the worse (the number of people who is waiting to take advantage of others increased) when so many PRC workers came to work in Singapore. As Chinese, they are as kiasi and kiasu as Singapore Chinese, and in fact, served to make them even more so.
I would say the Banglas workers that Singapore had were more friendly. They smiled, and I even seen them giving up seats for those who needed. They were the positive influence where the PRC workers might be the negative influence on Singapore's graciousness. With our small population to the number of foreign workers ratio so high (relative to other countries), the graciousness of the FW do affect us to a significant extent.

Commandoleaderfirstclass,

my original comment still holds truth. Ungracious people are actually bullies who want to torment others. You have the choice in how you want to react towards them.

Fighting and feeling frustrated doesn't solve the problem. Why don't you write your neighbor a 'note' expressing your 'feelings'? Do you know that bullies are afraid to be confronted?

Chia Ee Von (Ms),

Miss Veronica Ong is not using ignorance to plead innocence. She is just asking people to be more gracious. In her case, there is really no harm for people to give her the benefit of doubt that she did not deliberately use the lorry lane.

Why don't you put yourself in her shoe? If you have unintentionally used the lorry lane and wanted to filter back, how would you feel if people didn't want to give way to you?