I REFER to Mr Alvin Tan's letter last Friday, 'Here's the Singaporean confusion' (Oct 31). Last week, Aware hosted a forum titled Let's Not Leave Our Boys Behind. The aim was to discuss expectations Singaporean women and men have of each other.

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1. So, "only" 24% (1 in 4) of women expect boyfriends to carry their handbags. "Only" half of women expect doors to be opened for them on account of their gender (sexist). Supposedly "only" 36% expect men to foot the bill all or most of the time on dates.

So where were the 76%, the other 50% and the 54% when the female-chauvinists-online were demanding the best of all worlds in response to Mr. Alvin Tan's letter ? Where were their moderating voices over the years when letter after letter from female chauvinists was published, talking as if relationships are all about men "measuring up" to women's expectations ?

Eiither: a) they have maintained a remarkably unfailingly low profile or b) they say one thing but expect another. When interviewed, women will say that earning capacity is not a key determinant in their choice of spouse and that they don't mind a partner who earns less than them. You think ? Come on.

2. "Let's not leave our boys behind" was the title of the forum organised by Aware. Figures. Self-congratulatory, patronising, mocking, laced with malice and sexist.

Men are not confounded, confused or left behind. They can see that the one-sided gender specific approach of the women's movement has caused great damage to gender relations over the past 4 decades. The women's movement looked down a straw and cried discrimination whenever they perceived disadvantage for their gender. It refused to look at the distribution and rights and responsibilities and at gender relations as a whole. Everything was in terms of women being the disadvantaged and victimised gender. The need for change was addressed almost exclusively to men. Women were never told that if they wanted men to stop having sexist expectations, women, too, should stop having sexist expectations of men.

I blame this gender specific approach of the women's movement most of all for the disconnect in today's gender relations. How could it not produce female chauvinists who expect the best of all worlds ?

We must see the gender as two halves of the same species. And they are complementing each other. It is the nature synergy of healthy and meaning existing together. We make mistake by comparing boys IQ with girl IQ. It is the two inherently difference DNA with intelligence of respective characteristic. I beg the people in official position to overhaul their thinking and learn from natural wisdom to better advance the National Agenda to increase the Singapore IQ to help the world community.

Inter-ministerial policies should arrest this "so-called gender studies failure" among our citizens through more proactive public health owneship using all public available promotion platforms to lead and practise healthy and lively living in our country. Not wait until the gap,so-called start or started and just change this policy or that policy to sound politically correct. We want to do better than the present status quo, for there is no room for sacred cow(s) in our Learning Nation,ROS.

Public Forum on
"Enhancing Our Physical Environment" ,organised as part of the public consultation process by the Inter-Ministerial Committee on Sustainable Development (IMCSD), chaired by the Minister for National Development, Mr Mah Bow Tan, together with comments by 3 panel members:-
1.Mr Tai Lee Siang, President, Singapore Institute of Architects and Director, DP Architects.
2.Assoc/Professor Lee Siew Eang, Director, Centre for Total Building Performance, School of Design and Environment, National University of Singapore(NUS).
3.Dr Shawn Lum, President, Nature Society.

Date:Thursday, 6 November 2008
Venue: The URA Centre (www.mnd.gov.sg)
Forum started from 7:05pm, ended at 9:25pm.
Many passionated public speakers proposed many great ideas and one member got carried away with his arguments on 'commuters network system'; while another suggested that the public should reduce eating meat to conserve energy; and many biodiversity subjects. Great team learning experience for me, too.

The Reflective Citizen: Have the unnatural developments replaced many natural developments in our nation building? Have you had the experience of moving off too quickly just to discover that you are on the wrong track? It pays to slow down sometimes to examine our present reality situation and take critical stock on ourselves. For reflection is a very important aspect of learning and leading to higher learner-ship.

It is important that national leaders and citizens engage in reflection. Many changes have taken place in the work of citizens in ROS(Republic Of Singapore). Reflective citizen invest time in thinking through his/her citizenry life. He/she thinks back at a difficult situation in the country and looks at the situation from a variety of angles. A reflective citizen engages other leaders in discussing practical issues and generates knowledge and insights into everyday problems. We want to (not "have to")engage actively in such reflective practices.

Reflect: Why are we doing what we are doing?


Reflect:Are we more concerned about citizen learning citizenry or country ranking/result?


We seldom reflect upon such questions because the world around us is moving so quickly and we are usually caught in an operational mode rather than reflective mode. But how can we learn deeply if we only engage ourselves in doing? How about the being? Sometimes, fast is slow and slow is fast.

If we do not reflect, do not pause and reflect together with our fellow citizens, when we think that we are doing something different, we may just be doing more of the same thing, and copying others without insight, but in a different way and calling it innovation. The spelling "innoza" is coined and used as Healthy Wealth blog address http://theinnozablog.blogspot.com is to set our thinking from the last letter 'z' to the first letter 'a' in search for true innovative learning spirit among the citizens worldwide via blogging platforms.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and each time expecting a differing result."

Have no fear of in quest for the natural wisdom for betterment in life among boys and girls. Live on ROS! Percentage can be illusion when we use it not realising the present reality.

Mr Alvin Tan is a male chauvinist. Whatever you do, never marry a male chauvinist, or you are as good as selling yourself to a slave-owner. That's for sure.

3. It was not too late for Aware to make amends, even up to recently. There was a letter written by a Ms Sherry Aw published in print. Its content and tone suggested that while women should have equal opportunities and benefits, men should continue to treat women according to imported, outdated and sexist norms. In other words, the role-playing should continue when it suited such women. Aware, Ms Constance Singham, could have written to OPENLY distance itself from Ms Aw's position. It need not have been harsh. It could simply have said that Aware does not endorse outdated role playing expectations of either men OR women and that the whole approach to dating has to evolve to something more mutual, balanced and focussed on getting to understand each other rather than role-playing. The acid test was whether Aware would openly debunk sexist expectations on the part of women in as much as it has been addressing sexist expectations predominantly on the part of men for the past decades. When Aware chose only to reply to Mr. Alvin Tan's letter while pretending not to notice Ms Sherry Aw's sexist take on gender relations, Aware flunked this acid test BIG TIME.

sigh..still on "to carry bag or NOT to carry bag" topic :P

To #(2),(3) & (6),

Thanks for speaking up for the guys; unfortunately, I don't think the girls will understand or appreciate what you have written ... In fact, they'd probably be labeling you as another MCP ... Haha!

Maybe, if we'd to look at this issue using an unconventional example, it may help the females in understanding the guys' point of view huh? I'll try one here:

Let's assume that Singaporean guys = our beloved government, and that the girls are the opposition parties. The girls are always demanding for their rights and equalities, based on and due to influences from other more liberal countries. The guys, though under social pressure, may be reluctant to blindly conform. Rather, they choose to present their love in a unique Singaporean way, not totally liberal, but with sufficient due respects given to the females. To the guys, the core issue remains that we must not lose our own and unique identities, cultures, beliefs over gender-based pressures. If there should be any inequality, the guys are willing to work to change it, but in line with existing circumstances and conditions. However, the females are not so easily satisfied. They saw what their counterparts achieved in other societies (that are built on totally different cultures and beliefs, but hey! The females don't care! They JUST WANT THE SAME RESULTS, regardless of the differences) So, that means more pressures to be exerted onto the guys, till the guys conform to their needs. If the guys don't budge, the females will start labeling the guys as being MCP, out-of-date, old-fashion etc ...

Now just look back at our history ... had our government budge so easily, you and I would probably living in some third world country by now! BTW, I'm not a PAP member, and I'm not into kissing our politicians' asses; what I'm trying to say is that, hey ladies! We guys know that you want changes for the better, but sometimes, please learn to appreciate whatever respects and privileges that have already been conferred to you, and be patient for future changes. You can't always wanna have the cake and eat it too! Though there may be some jackass guys out there who continue to believe in and carrying out acts of MCP, I believe most guys, having grown up in an environment that stresses so much on feminine rights, do have decent respects for you ladies. So maybe you ladies can take note of those received respects, and try to reciprocate to the guys?

Indeed, let's learn to move away from stereotypes and associated roles. I'd be very happy to have women open doors for men, but it seems to be beyond the imagination of Singaporean girls despite AWARE harping on sexual equality for decades.

WongHoongHooi #2 #3 #6, kunshou#8

Sigh. Such hatred for women..

Btw I once heard that human beings in general would use a magnifying glass to amplify their own fortes, and then use a microscope to find others' flaws..

From what both of you have written, you have proven to be very good illustration of such human tendency..

However, please be reminded that when you point your finger at others (the woman--from a man's perspective), the other 4 fingers are pointing back at yourselves hor.

Have luck looking for your gay partners. Cos I doubt you can ever enjoy blissful marriage with the opposite sex given your contempt for them. Anyway I don't think they would have any interest in such woman-hating people like both of you also lor.